One Great Miracle

Until now, I still couldn't believe it. I will be a mother in 3 weeks! Really thought that this will never happen ever since I am already 36 years old. But God is true to His promises and gave us this wonderful blessing. I would say its a miracle because besides the fact that I am on the heavy side and already old in conceiving, I also had PCOS. When you have PCOS, you're not ovulating which makes it hard for you to conceive at all.. Another thing, my hubby had his sperm count exam months before I got pregnant and it shows that most of his sperm cells are immobile. It's not moving which means that most of his sperm cell is not travelling to my egg cells - something like that. So this is really something we are not expecting...it's a beautiful surprise...

We've learned about my pregnancy one month after my father died. This is sad because this is his first grandchild if ever. We've been praying hard for this because my father would really be delighted to know that her unica hija would soon bear a child. It could have been a happier ambiance but God has His ways and His ways are far better than ours. I know that my Papa who is in heaven is now happy and is also excited to see his very first grandchild. If not for my daughter, I would still be in gloom till now because of my father's death. I praise God for his wisdom and I know this is all a part of his great plan for our lives.

In three weeks time, I will bear my firstborn. I don't know if it will be on normal delivery or via caesarian section. Due to financial constraints,  I hope it would be through normal delivery (but with epidural since I don't have much pain tolerance) however, if it's really necessary for me to under a CS delivery, I will gladly comply. God's will be done.

Continuous Learner

Do you have a bucket list? Things that you want to get/achieve/experience before you die? I haven't thought about it yet but I have some things in mind that I want to achieve in the near future. Since God gave me this new job, I felt like I am a renewed person. I don't feel like a 33 year old woman anymore - I feel more of a 21 years old. Someone who has so many things in store for her, a woman exploring new possibilities and a girl who is hungry for learning and developing herself.

I'll share with you my plans and hopefully, I'll be able to achieve all this next year.
1) To learn how to apply professional make up. Eversince I was in College, cosmetics has been my passion. Even if I don't have "baon" or budget to buy a particular make up- I would really find a way to buy one. My classmate Ruthie would normally lend me money so I can buy a blush on, or a lipstick or a make up foundation. I don't know if I would like to be a part time make up artist in the future but I would love to know the basics so I can apply it to myself. I want to be able to have many looks by applying different styles of make up.

2) I want to start blogging again. For the longest time, I wasn't able to blog and post anything. I used to earn through my blogs. The first month I earned 12k! It would really help if I would earn extra bucks through blogging again. I would be able to bless others more and be able to buy my dream car - Suzuki Alto. :)

3) Want to get fit again, I want to lose these extra 50 lbs off my body. I think I could do it in one year, besides, I need to lose weight so it would be easier for me to get pregnant. My ob said I do have a polycystic ovary, I don't ovulate and in order for me to cure it, I need to take in medications and need to lose weight. I hope I would be able to do it this time, I've failed sooo many things on this aspect but I believe God when He said, My past doesnt define my future. I would keep trying.

4) I would want to be married soon. Of course with my Jojo. I want it set on our 10th year anniversary on April 10th. Don't know how...don't know if we can save enough for it, but I do really want to do it next year. In God's grace I know we can.

Those are just some things that goes to mind today. I hope I would be able to accomplish all of these soon.

A Christmas Prayer

Christmas is just around the corner without me realizing it...and after that, another year will start. Upon reflecting on what transpired with my life last year, I can say that it's still a great one for me. Imagine, this year I was able to live in my own house! There are a lot of firsts experiences...first time to visit an OB, first time to get a loan of more than P30,000...first time to visit a spa, first time to have the opportunity to decide for myself. For a fact I know that this hasn't been the greatest but I'm getting there. There are a lot of things I want to improve in my life but I know I can't do this alone. God needs to walk me through the entire process. This 2013, my prayer is to be able to share God's love to other people. May other people know that I am a Christian and that Jesus lives in me so they would be inspired to follow Gods path as well. Financial wise, I pray that God would increase my territory and bless me financially so I can also be a blessing to others. I pray that I would be physically healthy and fit. Need to trim down for health purposes and lose 50 pounds altogether. Also want to have a close relationship with my family. To be able to see them at least once a month. Widen my horizon and meet new friends. Need to get out of my box and not be afraid not to know what would happen and not be in control. Third, to be able to improve my knowledge and to earn more from it. Fourth, need to follow my dreams and start doing what I love. Fourth, be able to work on my blogs and make sure I update it regularly. Need to widen my vocabulary so I can fully express myself. Lord, in your feet I lay down my plans and my dreams...Your will be done in my life. Amen.

My 32nd Birthday Celebration

Last Saturday, right after my shift...me and hubby headed to Montalban to celebrate my birthday and to also take a glimpse of our new home. I took a time off from work so we could celebrate it the day after which is a Sunday. The original plan was to go to Church first and then check on the house but the plan changed and we just strolled around the village at around 6am. As what we previously do, we stroll around Villa Anna Maria, a subdivision close to where my mom lives and a village where my cousin's house now stands. Then at around 11 am, I along with the whole gang headed to Robinsons Montalban and ate lunch at Jollibee. It's my little nephew Empoy's favorite hang out and we ordered him Chicken Joy and Ice Cream. It's nice to see him smile and having fun with me and my mom. Rarely did my brother Elmer allows him to mingle with us for 

A Birthday Prayer

Today is my 32nd birthday! Thank you Lord for letting me live this long. I have not been a good daughter to you Lord but I hope you still hold on to me. I have been so selfish and have only thought of myself. Jesus, thanks for all the blessings you've showered me. Especially on my birthday, in five hours...I will be calling up Pag-ibig fund to know the status of my PAGIBIG HOUSING LOAN APPLICATION. Hopefully they approve my P850k housing loan application so I can already pay my downpayment and finally move in this March. Here's the house I've been dreaming of and hopefully will be my home next month. I really feel that 2012 is my year, I would do my best to fix my life and I intend to glorify God with a new me. Amen

Emergency

Earlier today, I received a call from my brother saying that my dad was rushed to the emergency room because of a mild attack. To be honest with you, I've been preparing myself for this. I normally picture this scenario wherein my brother would text or call me up in the middle of the night saying something bad that happened to my papa. But I guess even if you prepare yourself for things like this, it would still shock you. I called the office and let them know what’s going on because I need to be absent. Me and hubby hurriedly rushed at Sampaloc Hospital, that is where they rushed him in. Besides the fact that it’s close to where they currently live…it’s also a public hospital. I know they don’t have the money to at least make a deposit. When I saw him the first time, I knew it’s the start of something really serious. He can’t speak and he can barely move. They cuffed his foot on his bed because he was behaving badly the night before. My little brother and his cousin are the ones who took care of him before we came. They said my papa was intoxicated the night before which maybe triggered all these. I texted Intellicare to inquire about the coverage. I have enrolled papa as my beneficiary for the health benefits we have at Convergys. Good thing they have a 

I Need to Conquer My Fears

Well, I was profiled to apply for Quality Specialist. After five long years, I think it's high time for me to explore new things and see what else I could accomplish in my professional career. Don't get me wrong, I'm still a happy agent. I can do a lot of things without pressure, I can go home immediately after my shift, I can be absent for work if I want to. But through the years, I feel as if everything is routinary and that there are not much challenges for me anymore. I feel as if I need to try to unleash my potentials and see what else I can do besides taking in calls.

My current supervisor asked me if I would pursue with the application and I said yes. In the back of my mind, there are many doubts. I admit, I fear rejection. I fear not being able to get the job. I fear what other people might say. I know I can do the job well but one mistake might ruin it all. Still I am decided to pursue with it, until the last minute. The same day I was about to pass my application, my boss was absent. I don't know what I'll gonna put on my application letter as he never coached me about the position before. I felt inferior and I felt as if I won't be able to make it. I again took one step behind and let this opportunity pass me by...for the nth time...

I know I should not be like this. I know I won't get to where I want to be unless I try. I want to be brave enough to accept challenges and even possible failures. I should change my way of thinking and know that failures are necessary for me to be a better agent, better employee, better person. There has been so many regrets in my life solely because of one thing...fear of failure.

Have read Bro. Bo's book "Don't worry, be happy" and what inspires me is what he wrote in the final chapter about his first experience in rock climbing. Before he tried it, he was very afraid of the steep mountain. He felt as if he can never reach the top of that gigantious mountain...there's really no way. But when he faced his fear and started going up...he felt very brave. It's all because of the thick rope that is tied around his waist. He knows that whatever happens, even if he slips...even if he falls...this thick rope will prevent him from breaking his arms, legs. He knows that the rope will pull him up and will lead him to safe landing whatever happens. And how happy was he when he reached the top. He won't be able to reach it if he didn't even tried. Same with our mountains of fear. You can't conquer it unless you tried. God is the rope...we need to climb above our fears knowing whatever happens, even if we fail and slip...He will never let us fall because he is the one who'll lead us to safety landing. We just need to try and try.

I hope through the next opportunity, I won't be afraid anymore. I need to deal with failure the right way. As the saying goes, it really isn't about how many times you fail but how many times you get up after each failure. I guess I need to begin counting now...

My Brother is Sick

Just recently received a text message from my brother Elmer regarding his health condition. He said he was diagnosed with Tuberculosis. I was really shocked, well not really. I already anticipated it long before because he is a hard core smoker...but I never thought it would be this sudden. Though we really never had the chance to bond because he is really not the type of Kuya who cares for his younger sisters... I still feel bad for him. I pity my nephew Empoy, he's been living with his father for four years now. What if he is also infected by such disease? God forbid.

Lord, please help my kuya Elmer. I know He needs you...I know You are the only one who could help him this time. He didn't feel loved within his family so I really pray that You would fill his life with unconditional love. Lord, I don't know if I've been a good sister to him but I am willing to be one this time. I hope he could feel that he is not alone in this crisis and that he could still count on me and the entire family. I love my Kuya Lord, please take out his sickness and forgive him for all his trespasses. Amen.

He's the Man...

Another entry this time from my multiply account. I want to remind myself of how in love I was with him... I want to get back my feeling for the man who stood by me through thick and thin. I need to love him again with the same intensity as it was six years ago. Lord, I give everything in your hands...lead the way...

Jul 26, '04 10:05 PM

"here's so many things about him that I love-the way he looks at me, the way he makes me feel I am loved and the way he assures me that I am the prettiest girl in the world. Yesterday we were together the whole day, I really felt that he is so concerned and that he is willing to sacrifice everything for me. I asked him not to go to work because we have to go to the police station and file a case against my ex bf who is harassing me. I know he is willing to fight for me and though there are certain things I dont like about him, the good points outnumbered the bad ones. I love him for who he is and what he will be---I know that he is a gift from God. I love him because He is adopting my faith...we never say our goodnyts without praying together.I hope God would bless this relationship..."

A Birthday Prayer...

Just stumbled upon one of my blogs and saw an entry about my birthday prayer for the man I've been with for  six  years. Six long years that is...and yet...I still feel something missing... The relationship is really shaky and I don't know if we could still survive another blow..I really pray that someday...I can utter this same simple prayer for a man with passion in my heart...


And my birthday prayer to the man I love.... "Lord, please bless Jojo. I know you know what the desire of his heart is, you're a witness to all his frustrations and fears, you know what his sacrifices are just to make this relationship work...you know how hard he tries to be a good husband to me and a good son to his parents....you know everything he has in mind. Lord, whatever those are, please have your way in him. I hope he would continue to be the man he is right now. The same Jojo I've come to know four years ago. Same caring and kind hearted man who never fails to bring a smile to my face after a hard day, the same Jojo who always considers my own welfare first before his, the same guy who loves me unconditionally inspite and despite of everything. I am so lucky to have a husband like Jojo who does'nt care if I'm getting bigger and bigger everyday, who doesn't require me to do the dishes and fix the house or wash our clothes....to have someone who after a "major tampuhan" would sit beside me and would want me to explain my side first before he utter his. ..a very loving and sweet soul who gave his heart to me without asking anything in return...." To you Lord, I offer my life and my love to Jojo and if I will be blessed to have him forever, please bless us and I hope I can also make him happy . Amen." 


I am willing to wait for that time..

Three Month Plan

I just recently came up with a three month plan - yup, three months! Just realized recently that I am not getting any younger, in fact next February... would be my last year in the calendar if you know what I mean. So I came up with several mini goals and I hope to accomplish all of these before the year ends...

First on my list is to go back to Church. For more than five years now, I've been living my life for myself . I've been living in sin and because of that, hid myself from the Lord. I want to straighten things out. I want to live for Him alone so I would take the first hardest step hopefully next week.

Second on my list is to lose 30 pounds. I've lost 15 lbs during my first three months of dieting and working out but it seems like my weight doesn't want to drop off anymore. My weight loss reached a plateau and it's getting harder and harder for me to shed it off. I just wish I could go to the gym at least 5 times a week.

Changes

I've been out of the office for almost 8 days now because of sore eyes. In as much as I want to render OT, I still have this red thing in my eyes so I guess I won't be able to do that anymore. It's been quite boring since I've been out of the office. It's really sad being alone, I tend to recall all the good memories we had together. For almost 6 years he's been my kane... it's been like this for so long, I can't recall walking without it anymore. I guess I need to learn those baby steps again so I can go on with my life without him. I would try to go to the gym later so I could distract myself from thinking about him. I just hope my eyes would heal as soon as possible. Actually I don't even know if I still have sore eyes...maybe my eyes are still red because of crying.

I tried doing stuff I wasn't able to do before. I do now have the luxury of time writing! I can now do beading accessories and can now read those books I like to read. I can now go to the gym and hang out with friends anytime. It would be a drastic change I know but I need to go through this to be able to cope up with loneliness.

On Paid Posts

Ok ok, I've decided to delete most of those sponsored posts I've written here on my most favorite blog. I'm so sorry for those people who always visit the site but only sees entries that advertises a certain product or services. I've made a terrible mistake of writing ONLY for the purpose of money and I ask for your forgiveness. I would also like to apologize for not being able to answer some of your emails and comments lately for I have been busy with my personal life. Don't worry, I now have all the time in the world to post relevant entries and at the same time respond to your comments.

To those bloggers who have turned their backs away from me because of paid postings...I'm sorry...

And to the rest who still keeps on believing in me and my posts...thank you...

eto na ang pagbabalik ng emotera....

My Impacted Wisdom Tooth Was Finally Removed

This is the day! For more than a week now, I am being bothered by this toothache. Yung wisdom tooth ko may butas so I'm really cautious kung malalagyan sya ng mga excess food dahil I'm afraid na sumakit sya. If that would happen, goodbye food na dahil yung pangnguya ko ay yung tooth next to it. For sure, I wont be able to eat hard food anymore since ang pwede ko nalang ipang chew are my front teeth. Noooh, para akong lola nun. My friend Melai even teased me to just settle for Gerber and Marie nalang kung ayaw ko syang ipabunot. Lol. Kaya heto, after three hours of convincing myself na kailangan ko nang ipabunot ang wisdom tooth ko...my hubby already made an appointment with a Dental Clinic near our place to have my surgery facilitated at around 3pm the same day. After lunch and after watching our favorite korean telenovela's at TV5 "Gusto Ko Noon" (sobra I'm hooked) - we hurriedly went to the clinic. Before we go, we prayed together for a safe operation. To be honest with you, sobrang takot ako as in. I really got so nervous and afraid of what might happen but I entrust everything to the Lord. I lifted up to Him everything and prayed for guidance. So ayun, we went to the clinic at exactly 3pm. The dentist, Dr. Palma, is

Another Year Without Divine

If my bestfriend is still alive, it would be her 30th birthday...most likely she already have her own family and a child of her own. She would have been a flight stewardess and was able to travel all over the world. But she stopped counting her birhday since she had her 25th...25 years of colorful and adventurous life is what she got.

I miss her, definitely miss her...especially now that our batch just recently had our own facebook page wherein we all could sign in and update each other about what's going on with our lives. I wished we still have her so she can write on our discussion wall and be with us on our reunion next month. I just hope I was able to let her feel that I love her when she was still alive and I know that she is now happy living the life that she deserves... a life without any fear, hurt or pain...

I love you bestfriend. I will still continue to remember you always as promised.. Happy Birthday...

For My Future Baby

Lately I feel so tired and I am always sleepy. I don't know why. I don't think I am pregnant as I just got my period last week...what I am thinking is that it has something to do with my weight. I am now weighing almost 170 lbs and this is the heaviest I've been in my entire life. I don't like my body, I don't like myself with this body...that's why I've decided to enroll myself in a gym. I will do this not just for myself but also for my future baby. I want to be a mother hopefully next year and it would be hard for my baby (to be) if he would be living inside his mother's fat tummy for 9 months. I want to do this, I need to do this. I know I can lose these extra 40 lbs I have this year. Wish me luck!

I never thought I could write about this...

BEWARE:

"DON'T LET YOURSELF FALL FOR THE WRONG GUY...."

Yung first part ng post, - naipost ko sya because an old friend...a past memory, a long lost secret love....asked me out lately lang through YM. I don't know if it's romantic in nature pero kahit na - parang inappropriate. Lagi naman syang ganyan eh, he would usually buzz me and flirt. Nakakatawa kasi di naman kami ganun mag-usap before. He would normally joke na magpakasal na kami...kung tanggap ko raw ba sya...and lagi nya akong inaaya lumabas. SIguro wala nga syang ibang makasama and he wants to have someone na sasamahan sya gumimik ... I always say yes and we would normally agree to meet at a certain time... kaso laging walang closure. Di naman kami nagkikita. I think this is the tenth time na nag-arrange kaming magkita pero di naman natutuloy kasi di ako sumisipot. Okey lang siguro sa kanya, kasi he never followed it up on me.Kung talagang gusto nya akong makasama, he would at least remind me through text kaso wala eh. Okey lang kung tuloy, okey lang kung hindi. Ganun naman talaga sya noon pa...anything goes lang pagdating sakin... gusto nya lang talaga ng kasama...bakit ako pa?!

We used to be bestfriends before sa first job ko - and I know ALLLLL his flaws - that's one of the reasons why I left the office. I AM BEGINNING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH MY FRIEND - kahit ayoko. Ayoko talaga sa kanya, pero ang puso dimo talaga maturuan no? Ang kulet! Alam mo na ngang wala kang mapapala dun sa taong yun - sya pa rin ang gusto mong makasama. Naitanong ko sa sarili ko na, of all people bakit sya pa ang napili mong mahalin. Wala syang kwenta. Napaka childish, social climber, bastos. Wag na yan, marami jang iba. Kaso wala eh...diko alam kung nagayuma ako kaso yun talaga gusto nyang mahalin eh.

Nung una wala lang...he is definitely NOT my type - kaso since we are on the same team - wala kang choice but to mingle with him especially we are both living in San Juan that time. We became closer and closer to the point na everyone is asking kung kami na. Of course NOT! He NEVER asked me if I love him. Everything was plain and simple. Until I started noticing somethings na mapapaisip ka kung me meaning or what. A girl always knows and I have a lot of officemates who also noticed a sudden change in his personality. We started going out together, watching movies and he even went to Church with me and completed the training (btw, I am a born again Christian). Even he admitted to me na ako lang ang nakapagpasimba sa kanya. Things started to go deeper and deeper na parang ayaw ko na syang mawala. Naiinis ako sa mga bagay na ginagawa at

Napaiyak Ako Dahil Dito

When you were 8 years old, your mom handed you an ice cream. You thanked her by dripping it all over your lap. When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons. You thanked her by never even bothering to practice. When you were 10 years old she drove you all day, from soccer to football to one birthday party after another. You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back. When you were 11 years old, she took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked her by asking to sit in a different row. When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked her by waiting until she left the house. When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was becoming. You thanked her by  telling her she had no taste. When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp. You thanked her by forgetting to write a single letter. When you were 15, she came home from work,

Mama's Health Update

hi guys! here's an update on what happened to my mom. Actually, she feels better now. Unlike yesterday, she is now slowly regaining her strength. She refused to be confined to a hospital as she said she's been on the hospital all her life (she worked at uerm dietary dept. before). I asked my coach if I could take an Emergency Leave and he said I can for 5 days but I need to present documents showing that my mom is indeed in the hospital. How can I get that since mama does'nt want to be confined. I asked for EL because I am the only one attending and nursing my mom during these tough times and I need to make sure she is ok before I report for work again.I don't know if I would still file for that, but I think I really cant report for work tomorrow...

Happy Fathers Day Papa!

Today the whole world is celebrating father's day. I am so happy that I still have a father, a loving father who, despite of his situation in life, has always been there for me to support me in everything I do. I do have a lot of fond memories of my Papa (as I call him). I was such a papa's girl when I was young and my mom would usually gets jealous because I always take papa's side whenever they quarrel. I can still remember those times when I was still a kid, papa would buy me almost all the things I ask for. I am Papa's only child at that time (mama already had 3 from her previous marriage) so you could just imagine how Papa values me so much. My brothers and sisters would usually call me a spoiled brat because Papa would normally buy me expensive toys and would buy me whatever food I want. Usually, in the middle of the night...I would wake him up and ask him to buy me balut or lugaw downstairs (we lived in the third floor) and though he is still sleepy, he would always give in to my request. That's how spoiled I am with my Papa. I can still remember how he would normally pack and deliver my lunch to my school when I was still in High School... how he surprised me with a typewriter because he noticed that I envy my classmates who does'nt have to rent a typist for their project. I can still recall how my father utter words such as "sana ako na lang ang magkasakit, wag na lang ikaw..." whenever I feel sick due to fever. I really feel that I am Papa's greatest possession. I hope I can still bring back the time and go back to that moment when the world seems so safe because I have my Papa to protect me.

Everything changes, so is my relationship with Papa. Our relationship has been ruined because he does'nt like my first boyfriend. I became a black sheep and would reject Papa's advices regarding love and relationships because I feel that I need to follow what my heart desires. That broke Papa's heart and since then...we fell apart. Papa also resigned from his job as a cook in UERM Hospital and is just getting small amount of money by getting cooked food in a nearby laundry shop. Everything seems to go from bad to worse until its time to leave him with my brother as I with mama left for Montalban. In as much as I want Papa to go with us...mama does'nt want to be with him anymore. I was left with no choice. I hate my brother and I can't live with him on the same house anymore so I decided its time to leave but I never thought I would be leaving Papa as well...

Papa's life has been hard with my brother, my kuya would not share the food my mother would give for both of them. He said he would normally just walk for hours just to pass time as he does'nt want to stay at the house since he and kuya is not in good terms. He is always hungry and since he does'nt have a stable source of